jmcgregor

I just got back from seeing my cardiologist and I must say, I feel happy.

First things first, my blood pressure is better than it was 6months ago, which is pleasing. I think the words used where “it’s now at a controllable level” so that in itself is a bit of a relief. They wanted to weigh me on a set of scales which only go up to 24 stone. I reminded them that the last time I was there I needed special scales as I weighed over 24stone 6months ago. I also told them I hadn’t lost any weight, which I believed to be the case due to the on-off bout of depression and emotional related eating. To my suprise I have lost 30lbs without being completely focused on losing weight.

At first the nurses told me it was 1 stone and a half that I lost, but the doctor cleared it up as the nurses got their charts mixed up. The doctor also said he is very impressed that I have lost 2 stone, which made me think in my head what I could be losing if I was focusing on actually doing it properly. So right now I am very, very happy. Forthe first time I actually walked along the street smiling (I usually ask myself why people do that, walking whilst smiling. Today I found out).

So what I want to say to anyone who is or has been feeling as powerless, depressed, or just plain bad as me is that there is hope. No matter what you might think, no matter if you think your will power has gone, it hasn’t. You can get better if you really want to, all you need is support from family, friends and the great people here at Buddyslim. We’re all here with the same problem, albeit in different magnitudes but we feel empathy and we all want to help and be supportive.

I hope you all have a great day.

I am struggling with what I should write in this blog post, I’m not one who is easily short of words but a combination of feeling down, scared, worthless and downright ashamed seemed to have sucked my vocabulary dry…

The biggest problem I have is, I eat when I am unhappy. With the life I lead and with certain people within my life constantly making me feel unhappy, it really does make this problem more of a permanent factor than a temporary issue. I have every intention to lose the weight I’ve gained, for me and my kids.  I don’t want them growing up being ashamed of me, watching while other Dads run around playing games, while I sit watching from a bench…

It’s so hard even planning a diet, I don’t eat meat, I don’t eat fish. I do love vegetables though,  potatoes, carrots, peas, beans, lettuce etc but unfortunately, the most filling out of them (potato) usually involves it being deep fried and cut into sticks. I live in a household where the only home-cooked meals are at Christmas time and even then I have pre-prepared vegetable pakora, so it’s really hard to plan and actually prepare a proper diet, I don’t know where to begin.

This is why  I don’t go on buddyslim much anymore, I’m embarrassed to be around people who have put their heart and soles into losing weight, people who have taken their lives back by being able to lose weight, while I can’t due to not being able to be happy or in a good mind state to keep it going. That is why it has gotten to the point where I think I should be put forward for surgery, I need my life back and with the life I live it seems impossible to do by my will alone.

Sorry if this blog was pointless(or made no sense) I just needed to write some of my feelings down.