jmcgregor

As readers of my previous blogs might know, I recently split with my girlfriend of 6 years. I’m not gonna lie to anyone, I’ve went back into depression again and my good eating etc has went out the window. Call it self pity or anything else that comes to mind but I feel like I lost the main pillar that was supporting my existence… Every night since we broke up I try to go to bed and I cannot sleep because of all the thoughts circling in my head. “Why am I here?”, “What good am I to anyone?”, “I’ve not done enough for the kids over the years, so they would be better without me”, “What am I going to do now, I can’t see any future, any light at the end of this tunnel”. I am still having this trouble, and because of it I have been thrown way off track and went back into the only things that have been keeping me happy, which are, eating and being alone.

Though, a day ago, out of the blue, I received a message from a person on my friends list named Auntiemame. She had taken the time and effort to send me a message stating she had my last blog on her mind and was wondering how I was doing. There was a few things more in which she said in a follow up but the main thing for me is that someone who doesn’t even know me in person would take the time and consideration to make sure I was doing OK after my recent breakup. It humbles me to even think that someone would do as she has done and I am really, really greatful to her for it.

So, about 5minutes ago I had a similar ‘awakening’ to the one I had when I broke out of depression. Right now I feel good and I can see clearly for the first time weeks, which leaves me feelinglike there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Am I still hurting? Yes, but then I think about the old saying, “everything happens for a reason”. Do I know this reason? No, but it happened and I need to take that in my stride.

Now to say what I haven’t been able to envision in weeks… Where I go from here.

1. Focus more on my kids and try to see them at my house more often.

2. Get myself healthy, eat right and try to exercise.

3. Go back to college or get a job.

4. Not worry about being alone for the rest of my life.

Those are my 4 aims and I hope to accomplish them all, it’ll be hard but I have to get better and become a person again.

Ending this I just want to say a special thanks to Auntiemame, Beebee and Tasha from my friends lists. You are all stars and it’s a pleasure and an honor to have such great people to be able to contact. Also I want to say thank you to anyone who took the time to read this.

Bless you all.